Description
History and Origins
Typical Feasting Day Schedule
Decorations, Gifts and Songs
Song Lyrics
Oh Come, All Ye Tasty
Good King Wenceslaus
Silent Night, Deadly Night
We Three Cats
Grandma Got Her Teeth Caught in a Reindeer
HISTORY AND ORIGINS
Many years ago, before zoos and safaris and fashion, the leopards of the world would come together for one day each year to celebrate their superiority over all other creatures. Generally solitary animals, the leopards would look forward to this day as a chance to show off their new skills, perhaps find a mate, and exchange gossip over a juicy gazelle. The basic traditions of Leopard Feasting Day remain largely unchanged to this day, passed down from litter to litter along with key hunting techniques and the secret code to the leopard account at the Kenya National Bank ATM.
About a hundred years
ago, as humans began to encroach more and more on the traditional leopard-held
territories, the population chose to include other big cats in the celebration.
Now lions, tigers, lynx, bobcats, pumas, and cheetahs can join in the merriment
and are even given prominent roles in some aspects of the feasting.
This also allows for annual strategic meetings to help all cats avoid poachers,
zoo catchers, city buses, tour groups, and Disney films.
TYPICAL FEASTING DAY EVENTS
Midnight - Sunrise: Parties of specially chosen hunters bring down the prey for the evening feasting. Working in teams (a rare event), the leopards can bring in unprecedented numbers of gazelle, oryx, tapir, wilde beast, giraffe, etc.
Sunrise - 3pm: Napping
3pm: Find a comfier branch or shady spot of ground
3pm - sunset: More napping
Sunset - 10pm: Feast
10pm - 10:30pm: The young leopards act out the great hunts of the year
10:30pm - 11pm: Group singing of traditional feasting day songs
11pm - 11:30pm: Exchange of gifts
11:30pm - Midnight: All the leopards gather around the elders, who tell stories of the leopards of old
Generally, the strategic
feline meetings and other events are held the day after feasting day, as
most of the cats are too full to travel significant distances.
DECORATIONS, GIFTS, and SONGS
The primary decoration
for LFD is a tree hung with totems of prey that the community hopes to bring
down for the feasting. Early rough carvings made each year have given
way to professionally made heirloom-quality totems, often passed down from
generation to generation. Totem trees can be of any variety, although
Baobabs are popular for their large number of branches (and comparably large
amount of totem space). Leopards residing in Christian areas have
taken to using evergreens similar to Christmas trees, due to availability.
Some families make feasting day cookies in the shape of prey to devour
after the feast. Blood-red icing is in short supply in some local markets!
LFD gifts can be anything, but traditional gifts include claw covers, tail ribbons, fur brushes, books, and sweets. Modern day festivals have shown the impact of human society on the leopards, as PlayStations, DVD players, CDs, leopard-spotted fur ornaments, and Nike's new Air Leopards are now common sights. Littermates frequently pool their allowances to buy a gift for themselves, something the big leopards wouldn't approve. Word on the savannah has it that tickets to the Boston touring performances of "The Lion King" are particularly popular this year, particularly balcony seats with good lurking locations.
Traditional LFD songs
include "Good King Wenceslaus Went Out and Got Himself Eaten"
, "Silent Night, Deadly Night"
, "We Three Cats of Nairobi Are"
, "O Come All Ye Tasty"
, etc. Newer songs include "Rudolph the Red-Blooded Reindeer"
and "Grandma Got Her Teeth Caught in a Reindeer"
, a favorite with the young cubs.
Oh Come, All Ye Tasty
Oh Come All Ye Tasty
Juicy and delicious,
Oh come, ye, oh come
ye
into our gaping maws
Come and be eaten
Swallowed and Devoured
Oh come, 'cause we're
so hungry
Oh come, 'cause we're
so hungry
Oh come, 'cause we're
so hungry
On Feasting Day!
Good King Wenceslaus
Good King Wenceslaus
went out
And got himself eaten.
'Cause the cats were
all about
Ready for the feastin'
Quietly they crept
on him
Stalking him so fleetly
When they pounced the
kill was clean
They ate him so neatly.
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Silent Night
Deadly Night
You can run,
You can hide
Still the leopards
will find you
And they'll cook you
into a nice stew
Basted in honey-glazed
sauce
Basted in honey-glazed
sauce
We Three Cats
We Three Cats of
Nairobi Are
Stalking you as you walk
to your car
After the leaping, you'll
be keeping
On a shelf in a jar.
Oooohhhh...
Feasting Day is lots
of fun
Feasting Day has just
begun
Don't go out late, We
won't hesitate
To serve you on a bun.
Grandma Got Her Teeth Caught in a Reindeer
Grandma got her teeth
caught in a reindeer
Out on the savannah Christmas Eve.
Tigers say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Everest, we believe.