Leopard Feasting Day

Description

History and Origins
Typical Feasting Day Schedule
Decorations, Gifts and Songs


Song Lyrics

Oh Come, All Ye Tasty
Good King Wenceslaus
Silent Night, Deadly Night
We Three Cats
Grandma Got Her Teeth Caught in a Reindeer


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HISTORY AND ORIGINS

Many years ago, before zoos and safaris and fashion, the leopards of the world would come together for one day each year to celebrate their superiority over all other creatures.  Generally solitary animals, the leopards would look forward to this day as a chance to show off their new skills, perhaps find a mate, and exchange gossip over a juicy gazelle.  The basic traditions of Leopard Feasting Day remain largely unchanged to this day, passed down from litter to litter along with key hunting techniques and the secret code to the leopard account at the Kenya National Bank ATM.

About a hundred years ago, as humans began to encroach more and more on the traditional leopard-held territories, the population chose to include other big cats in the celebration.  Now lions, tigers, lynx, bobcats, pumas, and cheetahs can join in the merriment and are even given prominent roles in some aspects of the feasting.  This also allows for annual strategic meetings to help all cats avoid poachers, zoo catchers, city buses, tour groups, and Disney films.
 

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TYPICAL FEASTING DAY EVENTS

Midnight - Sunrise:  Parties of specially chosen hunters bring down the prey for the evening feasting.  Working in teams (a rare event), the leopards can bring in unprecedented numbers of gazelle, oryx, tapir, wilde beast, giraffe, etc.

Sunrise - 3pm:  Napping

3pm:  Find a comfier branch or shady spot of ground

3pm - sunset:  More napping

Sunset - 10pm:  Feast

10pm - 10:30pm:  The young leopards act out the great hunts of the year

10:30pm - 11pm:  Group singing of traditional feasting day songs

11pm - 11:30pm:  Exchange of gifts

11:30pm - Midnight:  All the leopards gather around the elders, who tell stories of the leopards of old

Generally, the strategic feline meetings and other events are held the day after feasting day, as most of the cats are too full to travel significant distances.
 

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DECORATIONS, GIFTS, and SONGS

The primary decoration for LFD is a tree hung with totems of prey that the community hopes to bring down for the feasting.  Early rough carvings made each year have given way to professionally made heirloom-quality totems, often passed down from generation to generation.  Totem trees can be of any variety, although Baobabs are popular for their large number of branches (and comparably large amount of totem space).  Leopards residing in Christian areas have taken to using evergreens similar to Christmas trees, due to availability.  Some families make feasting day cookies in the shape of prey to devour after the feast.  Blood-red icing is in short supply in some local markets!

LFD gifts can be anything, but traditional gifts include claw covers, tail ribbons, fur brushes, books, and sweets.  Modern day festivals have shown the impact of human society on the leopards, as PlayStations, DVD players, CDs, leopard-spotted fur ornaments, and Nike's new Air Leopards are now common sights.  Littermates frequently pool their allowances to buy a gift for themselves, something the big leopards wouldn't approve.  Word on the savannah has it that tickets to the Boston touring performances of "The Lion King" are particularly popular this year, particularly balcony seats with good lurking locations.

Traditional LFD songs include "Good King Wenceslaus Went Out and Got Himself Eaten" , "Silent Night, Deadly Night" , "We Three Cats of Nairobi Are" , "O Come All Ye Tasty" , etc.  Newer songs include "Rudolph the  Red-Blooded Reindeer" and "Grandma Got Her Teeth Caught in a Reindeer" , a favorite with the young cubs.
 

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Oh Come, All Ye Tasty

Oh Come All Ye Tasty
Juicy and delicious,
Oh come, ye, oh come ye
into our gaping maws

Come and be eaten
Swallowed and Devoured
Oh come, 'cause we're so hungry
Oh come, 'cause we're so hungry
Oh come, 'cause we're so hungry
On Feasting Day!
 

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Good King Wenceslaus

Good King Wenceslaus went out
And got himself eaten.
'Cause the cats were all about
Ready for the feastin'

Quietly they crept on him
Stalking him so fleetly
When they pounced the kill was clean
They ate him so neatly.
 

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Silent Night, Deadly Night

Silent Night
Deadly Night
You can run,
You can hide

Still the leopards will find you
And they'll cook you into a nice stew
Basted in honey-glazed sauce
Basted in honey-glazed sauce
 

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We Three Cats

We Three Cats of Nairobi Are
Stalking you as you walk to your car
After the leaping, you'll be keeping
On a shelf in a jar.

Oooohhhh...
Feasting Day is lots of fun
Feasting Day has just begun
Don't go out late, We won't hesitate
To serve you on a bun.

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Grandma Got Her Teeth Caught in a Reindeer

Grandma got her teeth caught in a reindeer
Out on the savannah Christmas Eve.
Tigers say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Everest, we believe.

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